Cycle Of Life

Truly what been turning inside of my own self lately
desired to do what i should have done
now starting to think back what have i done
regret it not think that i thought at first
it was the burden that i shall carry within my self
to move forward with such burden
i ask my own self how far could i go on with such burden at my back
last time i would start to choose to let it go or to simply give up
on what i have already stand firm on

Life is about an adventure that we walk on
we were just merely dream
when we finally wake up
that the time we die
and move on toward another life
it is a cycle that we may not know which it the future
which is the past nor which the present

But now i no longer carry this burden alone
as i live for future
every second that pass consider as my past
every second after ward consider my future
there no present in my time
as future is the thing that i will cherish
and the past i shall for go

Human live in such a greed world
in a world which each individual shall protect them self
the drift between the strong and the weak
continue to expand in to the abyss
God created such variable creature for a purpose
and the solely purpose is for each individual to help each other out

We should live with a concept on what we will give
instead of what we will get in return
never expect anything in return
as we help other
what we need is to give not get
yet this world still linger those blood sucker human
that obstructively destroy the purity within our own soul
this epidemic has been spreading every single second
it have been to a level where human was lack of goodness
within them self
what left for them was just to harvest other people greed
thus this shall be the end of such epidemic
the poison and antidote lies beyond our own self
ask your self is it fun to used other
and what the feeling when being used by other in return
the feeling
the pain
will somehow be in ourself
yet we cant stop our own stop into doing such in morale thing
ask your self why
the answer shall be your motivation
to change your self once again
never say too late
it better than later

Being used and use
truly the element that we human survive in community
faked treatment and smile that we see each day
is really getting to my nerve
to penetrate them in my vision
yet i still believe that not every one was fake
sometimes the thing that we see
and the gossip that we heard
will blind our judgment toward others
trust in them as they trust you in return
trust is depend on what we feel
instead being blind by what we see and heard
we follow our intuition to direct us to the right path again

Heart is more powerful that our brain
it judge based on feel
feel is an undescribe emotion that evoke inside of us
sometimes it goes beyond logical explanation
yet such unlogical and undescribable explanation
sometimes saves us from grieve later

Work Work Eat Eat Sleep Sleep

Lately been working non-stop thinking idea really squish a lot of my brain juice. I dont even have time to write anything in my blog. Firstly I have to apologize to my lovely lao po cause she the one who encourage me to practice write more. Sorry ahh



okok..That was my FAVORITE song till now. Been really like doing web layout for the past few weeks and learning how to construct thing in CMS (content management system). Hell like i have finally learn how to build my own server. In this few weeks all i heard from my boss is "CLEAN" and "COPERATE" but none the less my boss really damn good to me. He teach me a lot of thing that i have been curious all this time. Save my time to just simply wonder in the net to just look for my answer.

Everyday working i noticed that i always look at my phone not because it is new rather i always waited for her to SMS me or even call me. Whenever she really SMS me damn happy even her message as short as just an icon. I now know why that simply message could even made me happy than a long long message cause the message it self it direct and simple and further more that is what me to be. Smile always. Never know that simple icon could really bring so much hope to me when i in a desperate need of support. Been thinking that why people say i dont have courage to say "NO" to my own lao po. Let me give you an answer here.

"IN THIS WORLD NOBODY SCARED OF THEIR OWN LAO PO WE JUST RESPECT THEM."
葉問

Been waiting to see IP (internet protocal) MAN 2.

Day 5 without you

Each day pass like i dont know how to say it already. As boring as it could get and as fun as it could be.Heard from her that her family have problem. Guess every family also will have their own respective problem to arise. All i could done was just to sit here and done nothing. It not even my right to tell anything. Have to let them resolve them-self. She been shopping lately and exhausted plus she will be working tomorrow. Lao po just do your job and help your dad out okay. Be hardworking ohh.

Day 3 without you

Interview whole afternoon. Scared if i say not scared then it will be fake man. Life have to goes on even without her by my side now. My lucky charm just flew to Penang already. Have a nice meal this afternoon at secret recipe. Alway when i look at mango delight i think of her again. The smell of pumpkin soup was just as good as it was. Woh today was hot i even sweat during my sleep. Wkae up terus makan then only mandi.

But it not that bad as i have chat with my lao po for 45 minute though she was sleepy. It was long time since i ever heard her laugh at my stupid joke. She alway say it not funny dear. It like the song i heard on radio. The lyric goes like this

According to him i am beatuifull

i suck at telling jokes

and so on and forth.

Haha.Have a great day today. Thanks you lao po.Nite nite ohh

Day 2 without you

Day 2 seem to be almost the same, wake up play some games then watch gu ling sing tam b. Watch till half way fall asleep. Just bout time that we chat few times today. I was never knew i alway love when my phone ring off. It alway mean lao po is looking for me. I didnt put my phone on silent this few days 'cause scared she want to look for me but cant get me that is why i put my phone on general. God do know that i miss her, it even rain on the time when she ask me what am i doing. As if the god trying to express my feeling out so much. She sleep early today as she will be wake up early in the morning to do her hair. Wonder how it look like when she change her style like, though i onl see it on photo once. Hopefully she will to my phone and pls pls pls my phone will be able to receive it.

K that for day 2. Nite nite lao po

Day 1 without you

Woh didnt know the countdown reach so fast to zero. Today afternoon i bid goodbye to her. Never know it is this hard to say the word goodbye and know what it meant to say goodbye. I have been like lost something or could have say something missing in myself. Feel so empty when i just reach home. Dont know what i want to do simply lie on the sofa and sleep for the whole afternoon i guess. All this time my life been busy whenever she was around me. I like fly here fly there just for the sake of her but now when she gone all seem to stop. It like my world suddenly just put to a halt. This feeling hard to endure. Missed her when i was standing there watching her car go by. Wanted to see her for last time but hate to see her part with me. I know somehow this day will come. I have been thinking ever since she manage to get to postponed her BM subject. I was happy for her though and sad at the same time.

Somehow i think it best for her to be at home with her family where all worries was lost to some point it was zero. Rather than seeing her stress and home sick i rather sacrifice my own self benefit for her happiness. I thought i have been prepare for this day to come but instead when it come i would like it to stop just at that very day very minute. That doesn't seem to be working though. I cant be so self fish to just ask her by my side all the time i should have let her go be with her friend. To not be able to mix with my friend i feel the pain and emptiness in my very self but that it because i don't have the chance since she have all the privileged to enjoy and to be with her friend i should just let her go for a while. Rather than her suffocated in my arm why not let her breath a new fresh air.

Lao po have fun ohh at hometown and take care.

What She Meant to Me

All the time i have planned something for her after know how she will reacted on. Things been surprisingly okay for the past few weeks. Slowly but surely i know she will achieve what that i have already planned for her. In life she was the girl that actually attracted me every day. It is stress less whenever i been round with her. It was practically the various expression that she have melt and tingle my heart. The first time i ever see a girl cry in front of me, even though my heart was pain to just simply see her tears flow down her cheek. All i could do was to give her warmness and a hope.

She will be back to her hometown soon though. Each day i hug the pillow that she put at my house never really know losing just a sense will be this hurt. I can she her picture , I can smell her presence , but I cant touch her heart .To actually touch her give me feeling that can express through just word. The way she touch me feel the presence of peace and warm. That is what i wanted from you. The warmness that overflow from your tips of finger run in my vein all this time, usher my blood pumping through my heart every single second. How i truly feel about you is i know very well that no matter what happen i will stand by your side to aid you and to protect you but most important thing is to share with you my happiness. I cant afford to lose you or even lost sight of you as you are the one that color my life with emotion and expression. You have teach me a lot of stuff from manners and other activity that i have never even tried before.

I am truly glad that i have ever meet you and for you to accept my love is truly a wonderful ting that ever happen in my life. Only you have truly appreciate my kindness yet not taking advantages of it.I only served for those who deserved it. You are the one that ever worth my sacrifice. Thank you for the chance that have been given to me and i will cherish what have been given by you.

A simple smile the perfect pleasure

After so long finally i manage to see her smile with her heart. So much have happen within this short period of time. Now that everything have come to at ease i could say that it is worth while for all the suffering all this time.Today may consider the best day ever from ballack birthday till dinner with my family. Really glad that she could be my mom best friend sooner or later will be my mom daughter tim. All seem to be fine have group back with my best friend and talk with them with such laughter again. Never really thought that all this is really happening. Thanks so much to be back to original plus my new lao po.

Girl sure have something in common that is talking bout family matter. Somehow god do really create a balance type of human in dividing with two gender. Male for work and female for family. A smile from her could really made me so happy bout it. Just a simple smile i could be so happy. Thanks lao po for smiling again.

Mind And Heart Beat as One

Mind say that i should do my heart tell me i shouldn't do it. That rather tough to be said my hearts alway tell me that i should be more brave that i was now but my mind kept telling me to just be patience to wait and see what is round you.

It hard to just follow one but now i finally could follow both my heart and my mind. Somehow i feel like it have sync up when i meet you. You could have change my life and all i could do was just accept that i was not good enough for her. Trying my best to be good on her though have to part with her for 3 month. That a tough one to handle tough.

Wish her happy holiday and have fun during the intern period.

Time have getting shorter as we have to be distance for few months. All this time feel so comfortable whenever she was around. Cherish the time we be together as when we part for 400km++ surely will be missed lao po one.

Never have we part for such long time nor that far. Maybe this will be the time we could really test our relationship to further advance in it. It was like taking some sort of test to prove that we really care and remain faithful to each other. i really wonder what it will really be when the time come. Will i just cry in my heart or will tear represent my feeling?

Hope i could cope a life without her by my side for like few months. Lao po when go china alway remember me ohhh, i will be at KL missed you. Hope lao po have a nice holiday after all this stress.

Now continue my study again later have to go work jor. No time to play tim. No choice loh after finish all then only start to play or have some fun still sempat qua. Hehe
Nite Nite ohh

A simple hope A big happiness

Boring with life that a question sometimes i even ask my own self did it mean anything to me. Frequently this question i have heard from my little bro though what can we do to make him more cheer up. I have to come out with a plan to cheer up my lao po. Help her understand that even a simple thing can eventually make someone happy and cheer up. Been thinking how to do a simple thing to cheer her up. Hope that what i plan will eventually cheer her up and make her smile the way she used to.

Cracking my head now to think an idea. Idea Idea come to papa please.
HAHAHAHA. Let give her a little surprise this valentine day.

lao po the best

Lao po we have gone through much of painful time together and we manage to understand each other more as each problem arise. I may say that I am not understand you completely as sometimes I cant even figure out what are you looking or thinking bout. I have try my best to know and guess it but sometimes thing might not work well yet lao po still could able to smile and say to me nicely. You all may say i am good to her but what you all dont know how good she is to me. Deeply I know she understand me well sometimes and behind she support me and give me courage to move on as I face problem. She have given me a lot that nobody actually notice it I didnt want to say it out 'cause as long as i feel it it more than enough but she kinda care of what other say bout her not good to me or what so ever. Today I hereby say that she treated me more better than i treated her. She is perfect to me as sometimes i cant even be compare for what i have done to her. It was mere nothing than what she have sacrifice for our love.

She pay with her own body and soul her tears was nothing more than valuable for me. Alway i feel sad when she just simply silently over there saying nothing, i actually do understand how lao po feel as well whenever i am silently sit and stare at you. I cant ask for more than you have given to me 'cause lao po have given me more than enough in our love. There is alway a party that will sacrifice more but what important is we appreciate their sacrifice. I was truly glad that God have sent you to my side for the past few years i have lost such feeling and now that i have finally found back that very feeling i will cherish it till the end. Lao po don't say you are imperfect in my heart you are alway the perfect one.

Perception In Life

Woh now only I know that my driving skill was that bad after all. Thanks to that trial class I lost my skill and passion in driving. Too many things have been pouring out from their mind and heart today. Once again I have become a listener to absorb all those stuff into my brain and analyze it accordingly. For what I have analyze so far is human are mostly attracted to the negative thing first is it ‘cause of human was original build positive that is why it attract to the negative side.
Every stuff we could only say it out but who know the true story will be only him or she. We will just judge by our own view of perception that is hardly any solid proof of such incident. Right or wrong who are us to judge in this matter and what if we have the power the judge, could our judgment always 100% accurate. Who we are anyway and could we say that we couldn’t done the same mistake as them or GOD will not repay us with the same pain and tragic ending.
Who was right and who was wrong there will not be an adequate answer that will truly suit both party and yet they are fighting and argue about it. Instead why don’t we sometimes open it up and try to find a solution instead of evading it. Life is a cycle what we evade we is a matter of time before we will face the same thing ever again.
I been planning something lately something that even though I gone there will be some part of me will still remain and keep her going. Something that will hold, you up even after I am gone. The future that we couldn’t predict I will have to plan it for you earlier.
So far, so good. The plan has been gone through smoothly but still I haven’t think about some matter. Nah let have some fun first right now with her and enjoy being by her side. Let do the thinking we the time has arrived.

New Technique of Kissing

Poor my lao po. Her beautiful lips just got crack up. Hope she could get better soon but with this incident i have learn 1 new thing in my life. Even though you cant get to kiss your loved one there is still a way it could be done. You could kiss her through the phone just like the song kiss me through the phone. It work for me though try it next time with your loved one if this seem to be the case.

To Reach Tomorrow

Sometimes feel dun wan to work as designer. Want to just stay by her side till the end. What to do need to work in order to let her live comfortable and nice live. Stress when heard want to go to work. Sooner or later sure will have more stress tim. So now need to prepare for this stress.

Have to help lao po in her study tim. Need her to at least get a B back so that she will not disappointed. Teach her today surprise that she already know and could explain well to me tim. Then like that just teach lao po the tactic to score well only loh then she will be great good.

Lao po GAMBATEH ohh. Keep the good work up ohh.

One Prob Solve New Arise

Woh mana tahu yesterday send portfolio today go interview. A little bit of surprise tim but luckily bring mai my lao po go so that wont be that nervous. All thing seem to be work well along the way. Thanks to her appearance I could be able to be more relax than ever.

Well not everything was well though. Now i have to learn more thing, not just only Photoshop even i have to start mastering illust. That will be good enough 'cause my lao po know such vector type art technique. Lucky me to have her but still have to be more initiative to get going to work in real life already. Haiz though a little bit of scared when heard the word work in for real this time.

Hope my lao po get well soon ahh. So takut if anything happen to her. GOD please give her good health that what i needed the most from you, if cant give her mine.

The Day After Tomorrow

Woh seem like i have to go on writing as my part time jobs already. I love writing sometimes when the idea sparks out suddenly the pen start to flow it ink on a piece of paper. Yet i now started to express my idea through graphic. Haiz finding an intern jobs sure not a fun thing to do. Till now still cant find one company that will provide me such opportunity. That why singing K with my lao po today to relax a bit at the same time have to rush to find jobs as well. The talent that was born and learn surely have different in a few aspect. She was good in singing all this time not even one time she got worse in fact she was getting more better and better. Improvement is needed to proceed in life.

Hope she have fun today and relax her self more as the exam is near but DON'T forget to study ohh. Dinner with her sure are fun. Never before i feel such joy when a couple actually share one buy of BAH KUT TEH. Nice though it just taste like Penang's BAH KUT TEH. hehe..Wish could have such joy again.

Ok la time to sleep already. Tomorrow have to wake up early tim...

Shop Shop Buy Buy Learn Learn

Have fun today as long time didn't watch movie with my lao po d. Been ages since i ever watch movie with her as assignment keep rushing into my mind till it almost consumed my whole time. Finally being able to relax my self a bit and feel the meaning of relaxation. Shop whole day again almost break my record as I rarely shop but seem like i start to understand the feeling of shopping. Usually I was just merely look at the product without buying it and enjoy see other bought it.

Today I finally realize that my lao po actually can be a great accountant and business woman. Didn't know she could able to calculate the flow of money in her own hand and how to regain it back. Finally after two years in design education she will succeed her dad business.I stupidly scared that she couldn't handle the stress and the confident to become one that will carry the fate and burden of a company. Now I will put all my self into helping her and continue my plan for my love one.

At last I got rid of my old wallet. My lao po buy new 1 for me as valentine gift though it still have quite sometime as she will not be around Malaysia for valentine.
Really like it so much wah till i smell it like mad dog. HAHAHAHAHa

ok lah that all i wan to say. Thanks ohh lao po and work hard ahh. I wanted to see my lao po manager plate on my desk.GAMBATEH OHH

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

Dint write for a while now only I realize time have passed by quickly and silently beside me. It has been tough year for both of US. Things have happen or I could say a lot of things have happen. Bad or good memories are embedded within our heart yet we still move forward TOGETHER. Misunderstanding occur quite serious thought but luckily we have gone through it. New year has pass ahh , the day which I really want to spent with LAO PO but unfortunately I have to fly to Thai for family vacation. Surprise and touched by what I could read on my phone right after I reach Malaysia. Those words seem to be buried in my head forever. Though I always called LAO PO fat but to tell U the truth U really look beautiful and cute when U have a bit of what U called baby fat. LAO PO looks nicer, cuter and beautiful at the same time, better than last time I see on your picture. I didn’t really mean to called LAO PO fat though it really fun to play with your stomach area. So soft and warm the feeling of secure and safe. LAO PO knows what we both actually envy each other a lot. LAO PO can gain weight without much problem and I can’t gain weight no matter what I consume. I have caused LAO PO much pain already and I will treat U much better than I could have done. I promise LAO PO one thing I will never leave your side till the end I will bring LAO PO down the path that we will create together we will build our own future. Sad or happy we will go through together. That is my promise to LAO PO my love one.